


Undeserving

by BoldlyProcrastinate



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 03:58:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8431060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoldlyProcrastinate/pseuds/BoldlyProcrastinate
Summary: Lucifer feels lost and hurt after the events with Uriel and is breaking.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on 2x05 and the promo from 2x06
> 
> I only recently started this show but I'm hooked. Seeing Lucifer crying and hurt like that last week killed me so I had to write something.

He’s about to leave Dr. Martin’s office when she says to him in clear frustration, “I need you to be honest about who you are.”

 

Lucifer pauses in the doorway, tears starting to form in his eyes. He keeps his back to her as he starts to respond.

 

“Every person I even remotely care about gets hurt because of me.” Lucifer shutters, imagines of Uriel’s blood on his hands flashes through his mind, “Or dies.”

 

He composes himself enough to turn his head and look at Dr. Martin. “I don’t deserve happiness. I’m a monster who destroys everything he touches.”

 

With that, Lucifer left Dr. Martin’s office.

 

That sort of revelation is the last thing she expected. His face as he turned to her was shocked her most. Something was wrong. Lucifer, even in his emotional moments, had never been like that. She picked up her phone to call Chloe.

 

* * *

 

Lucifer speeds back to Lux, convincing himself that the tears in his eyes are from the LA air and not from what he’s done. When he gets there, he goes straight for the bar and goes to pour himself a scotch when Amenadiel comes in. He’s yet to see his dear old brother since everything happened.

 

“Lucifer! Did you do it? Did you really kill Uriel?”

 

Lucifer doesn’t move. He doesn’t even seem to see his brother there.

 

“He was my brother. YOUR brother!” Amenadiel clenches his fists, “How could you do this?”

 

Lucifer sees Amenadiel’s anger and feels he deserves it. He deserves all this hatred. He’s a monster. “I did what I had to seeing as you were of no help,” he says, as clearly as he can. He’s looking for a fight. Maybe it will make things hurt less.

 

“You blame me! I didn’t kill Uriel. You did!”

 

“How astute of you, brother! Of course, it’s still your fault since you were too weak and pathetic to stop him in the first place. Can’t handle your own little broth-”

 

Amenadiel punches him before he can finish his retort. “How dare you blame me for this.”

 

Lucifer stands, smirking as blood drips down is chin, “Of course I blame you. You failed as a big a brother.”

 

With that, Amenadiel pounces. He hits Lucifer repeatedly, wherever he can. Furniture is shattered. Bottles are smashed and thrown across the room as the two brothers fight. For a fallen angel, he still packs quite the punch. Lucifer never truly blocks him brother’s punches or puts much effort in fighting back. He wants this and it has to be from Amenadiel. It’s what he deserves after all.

 

When Amenadiel finally stops, he grabs Lucifer by the front of his shirt, “You don’t get to put this on me. I’m not the monster. You are.”

 

He tosses Lucifer to the ground like a doll and leaves.

 

Lucifer curls in on himself. He’s bleeding and it hurts to breath. The tears flow freely now.

 

_Yes. I am the monster._

* * *

 

Chloe gets in her car and heads to Lux immediately after talking to Dr. Martin. She knew something was wrong with Lucifer and regardless of how he had been acting towards her during the day, he was her friend and he needed her.

 

When she gets there, she goes straight to the penthouse and finds it trashed. Instinctively, she draws her weapon and carefully leaves the elevator. There’s glass and broken furniture everywhere but it’s the blood that concerns her. There’s more than she’d like. Not enough to worry about something serious but enough to put her on edge. She’s walking slowly, calling his name but getting no response. It’s when she hears the sound of someone sobbing that she puts her gun away.

 

Chloe follows the heartbreaking sound until she rounds the corner and sees him. Lucifer is curled in a ball on the floor with his back to her, shaking. She’s too shocked to move. This was not what she expected when hanging up the phone with Dr. Martin. Her gut tells her to go to him slowly, like approaching a cornered animal. Then, he starts sobbing louder and it is accompanied by coughing and she doesn’t think; she simply rushes to him.

 

When Chloe places a hand on Lucifer’s shoulder, he jerks forward and then curls into himself more. “Lucifer-”

 

“Go away detective.”

 

“You know I will not do that. I’m not leaving you like this.”

 

“I’m in no mood for any pity or mockery,” he says, choking back sobs.

 

“Lucifer. How could you think I came here for that? You’re my friend and you need help. I’m not leaving.”

 

Chloe moves to try and place herself closer to his head. She needs to see him. When she does, it breaks her heart. His eyes are red and puffy from crying. He has a bruising and cuts all over his face and hands. He looks horrible and she thinks she may cry. Lucifer was emotional at points but he always bounced back or covered it up with humor. This was uncharted territory. The only thing she could think to do was pull him into her lap and hold him. When she did, he started to shake and cry even more. Chloe sat with him, running her hands through his hair and rubbing his back, like she does when Trixie is upset, until he eventually calmed down enough to talk.

 

Without looking at her, he quietly said, “I don’t deserve you. I hurt you. I hurt everyone.” He takes a shaky breath, “I’m evil. A monster who deserves to suffer. To be punished.”

 

This doesn’t just hurt Chloe. It angers her. Lucifer was more than that. “Every time you say you’re evil, I know that’s not who you are.”

 

He finally looks up at her with the most broken expression, “You don’t know a thing about me.” He looks away from her as he continues to speak, tears running down his face again. “I hurt everyone in my life: my mother, Amenadiel, you, and…Uriel”

 

Lucifer barely gets that last name out before suddenly trying to move away from her, as though she were on fire. The detective is too quick for him while he’s as hurt as he is and she pulls him back to her and holds him as tight as she can. She doesn’t know who Uriel is or what happened to cause any of this but it doesn’t matter right now. What matters is him.

 

“Listen to me Lucifer. You did hurt me. I won’t lie to you but, I also know that you are hurt too. Something happened that hurt you. It doesn’t excuse you necessarily but it doesn’t mean you’re a monster, or evil, or that you have to do this alone.”

 

Chloe loosens her hold of him and gently pushes him back a bit to try to get a better look at him, “You don’t have to tell me what happened that made you like this. I just want you to know that I’m here. I want to help you in any way I can. You are not a bad person. I know this because I _do_ know you. I've seen you you angered over what someone being harmed countless times. You may make jokes or drive me up a wall but there is no one I know who cares as much as you do. I've seen that you care so much about so many people, even if you don’t always show it like most would. I’ve learned that from working with you and becoming your friend. I care about you and I’m not going anywhere, ok?”

 

As Chloe, talked, Lucifer quietly watched her, taking it all in. He was surprised to see how much she truly did seem to care about him, even after all he’s done. Something about seeing her show this care, makes the tears flow once again and she pulls him into her one more.

 

Once he feels in control, he pulls away a bit and tries to give some form of a smile.

 

She smiles back, “Let’s get you cleaned up.” She moves herself away from him slowly and stands. As she does so, he grabs her hand.

 

“Thank you, Chloe.”

 

He never uses her name and it felt different to her; good. She leans down and kisses him on the cheek. “You look like hell,” she says with a smirk. 

 

Lucifer chuckles at that and takes her hand, slowly pulling himself up. She leads him into the bathroom to clean him up. If they end up in his bed with him curled up in her lap and out cold from exhaustion, she’s not one to complain. 


End file.
